WHY

I've been shipping / supporting a Korean boyband -- mainly; a male couple in it for roughly the past 5 years so two beautiful men being together, so long as the other looks like a girl enough for them to look like a normal couple, it's okay with me.

I've also been reading fanfictions with regard to such male to male stuff so I have nothing against them until Fifty Shades of Grey and Matt Bomer came along. There have been rumors floating around that Matt Bomer will embody Christian and who'd ever say NO to that yummy piece of meat when he's totally going to satisfy or exceed your sexual cravings in that erotic novel turned movie?

Prior to learning about the possibility of him being Christian Grey, I've been aware that he has come out and made some research as to who his partner is really but hasn't paid attention much on it.

Until again, I've come across this post on Plurk where my friends have been talking about Matt Bomer and being the stalker-ish and curious person I am, I decided to look at Matt and his partner (who turned out to be a Simon) on google and guess what? After some eight to ten minutes of deep and scrutinizing look at the photos, I could not help but wonder what Matt saw in his partner for him to like and "make babies" with him. I admit I'm a person who's more into considering the physical appearance of the other person. And it so happened that Simon didn't look that appealing to me....considering his partner is THE MATT BOMER( BONER). So WHY? I just want to know why ... (and this is my curiosity talking right here).


And why won't my nose stop running? It seems to not feel tired at all. UGH!

stuff

Hola!

Honestly, I do not know how to start writing this entry however the fact that the past weeks have gone by in a blur, I just feel the need to  post something here.

I've got  a job?
Well technically yes and no. Yes because this company is paying me (real low!) and no because I'm nothing but a trainee who's still trying to get the hang of things and someone who's still contemplating if this job's something that would really fit me, if it's the kind of job I'd be wanting to have even after a couple of years.
You see, working in a call center industry is, once you get the hang of it, as they say, will be as easy as a piece of cake. Well that could be true and right now I cannot attest to that since I still have a lot to learn but as early as now, I'm starting to have second thoughts on how sure am I about this job. And I'd rather not say  the reason to that.

Who knows what'll happen in the future, though? It's better not to assume.

I've got a cat?
Yes! I've literally picked a stray and weak-looking kitten who strolls in our  neighborhood. One night, I saw her simply sitting (like a cat) across our house and  I do not know what came to me but I went over to get her and let her inside our house. My mom was aggravated, started to mention all the cons of  having a cat inside the house -- hygiene-wise because we had kittens before who weren't and could not be disciplined to poop and pee in the  right place. So during that night, even if it was against my will, I let the kitten go and I seriously had a bad feeling about that.

My doubt was answered because the next day, it   was my mom who saw her outside our house, seemingly sick and unable to move. She hurriedly told me about it and I immediately took her inside our house. She looked sick and weak; and after some  time of observing her, I noticed that her -- I dunno, hand or feet? -- was swollen and she keeps on meow-ing. She's very hungry, too!

Anyway, my mom named her "Kyu-Pi" not really sure about the spelling  because: kyu-comang; pi-pilay (injured). And good thing  she knows how to follow because she only pees and poops in the right place -- the  only condition my mom has. If the pet pees and poops in the right place, then we're good.

Hence, we kept her and she's still with us now, weighing thrice the weight she has when I first held her. And she's energetic and playful, too! heeee~~~

There, I am just exhausting myself so I could go to sleep~~

damn

I really am not in the mood right now because the internet connection's being a bitch and my brother's taking up almost all of the connection while I'm watching The Amazing Spiderman. I just want to finish the movie coz it's really awesome and Andrew Garfield's really hot but the connection's not cooperating. DAMN IT.

So how's it going lately? Me? Hmmm I'd rather not tell. But I do hope the track I am right now isn't something I'd regret in the future. Well...sigh.


It's already 3:27 in the morning.


A fucked up sleep for a fucked up person. Great.

Friends and people  around me have been getting themselves a partner -- whether they're long-time ones, kinda-serious types or flings.  Which best explains why there are times they look  so down and grumpy and as a good friend, you ask them what's wrong and they tell you  it's the love of their life. Oooops. And there were also numerous times when they ask for your opinion on what's best to do in this and that situation and as  a friend, you cannot ignore them hence regardless of whether or not you have an experience in having relationships, being in love the least, you give them the answer that they need; well, if that'd be really helpful?

But what about this time, when I need someone to talk this with, I cannot find anyone who could be my rescue.Well, not that I am  already sure of things already. So  it's on a time like this that I really am thankful for blogs and diaries.

How do you know when you are in love?

Is it when you cannot stop thinking about that person that even in your dreams, he/she haunts you still?

Is it when you feel embarrassed thinking of all the stupid things and mistakes you committed when he/she was watching you that you just want to hide and be swallowed by the ground?

Is it the unstoppable and inevitable longing you have for him, so intense that you try to ignore and not think of it?

Is it when you over-think things and start daydreaming about the places you'd go together and the different stuff lover would be doing if you are to be together in the future -- is he/she the sweet and showy  type or someone who likes to be all over you when you are alone.

Or perhaps is it when you cannot stop yourself from blogging about it when it's supposed to be nothing but a feeble crush but the urge is so extreme you find yourself giving in?

Nope, this could be nothing more than a simple, foolish crush that will wear off like what most high schoolers experience.

Only that, I am not a highschool student anymore. And he has not a single idea about it.

And I  should know better. This would not work out in anyway possible. Hence I really am thankful for distractions because they really a big help to suppress and refrain myself from having any thought about him.

This. Has. To. Stop.


Thanks, blogger.

drama101

Alright. The thing is, I guess I am starting to get stressed and undoubtedly confused about specific matters in my life. Not that I haven't seen this coming before, but not this hard and uncertain. Not up to this extent.

Let us start with the matter of me getting a job. Now I fully understood why friends back then when I was studying and craving for freedom and wanting to get a job before told me that they would rather prefer being a student again than working; and I was like what the hell wouldn't you like about having a job when it meant buying whatever you want whenever you feel like it, going out with friends and getting wasted (well, not really) or for me, buying myself and treating friends or family to Korean food like how my Kpop unnies do. What's there to dislike?

But then it sank in. Today, yesterday, or days ago up to this day, I couldn't remember. But one thing's for sure: I realised how heavy the responsibility is. Starting off with finding the job; just  how hard and laborious could this get and the fact that all the people around who- mostly classmates and batchmates are getting hired and getting in good schools which meant working with great people which also basically means good money and training. Whilst me, where do I stand in all of this? Mind you though, I feel authentically happy for them because they deserve what they got; it isn't easy getting a job and pushing your luck at different circumstances before clinching it finally. For what they have been through, it must be a precious price.
But then again, I do not want to do teaching. Ooops! Wouldn't dwell on that.

So that puts me in a very odd situation. What kind of job to get? Hmmm. So long that it pays good and is morally upright, then, why not? HOHOHO, kidding!

And then there's the time. Some have plentiful of it; and I am wallowing on the amount of time in my hands when I also know that I shouldn't have the luxury of it; I should be doing something other than staying at home, lurking and being unproductive.

How about confidence? I don't have much of that, to say the least. I have this pre-judgement in my mind that in whatever kind of job or company or (school) I will apply at, I would definitely fail. Pretty negative, aren't  I?

There's also the fact that I am the eldest among the four spawns so that saddles me further , not to mention my father giving hints that he needs help in sustaining the household and all plus that fact the he already wants to retire blah blah blah.

And I suddenly wished I could be  a  student all over again.

phase one

Pardon the "excitement" expressed here because this was supposed to be posted a few days right after graduation but it got stuck up hence became overdue.

As much as the 'other people' are reeling in this event, I am too! It hasn't fully sunk in to me yet that I have finished college. Seemed to me that just yesterday, I was that innocent freshie who stupidly commits mistakes in enrolling and is not familiar with the entire school and new people I come across. But then again, these four  had years had been anything but joke; there were times that I truly cried, laughed, enjoyed things and company; and of course, had also been frustrated and disappointed at times. But thanks to the friends I have had: those who I got upset at, those who meant so much to me  and I know I would keep and also those whom I got infuriated -- the times we shared -- whether through eating out or watching movies in the cinema; those little things mean a lot to me.  My four years in college would not have been this meaningful and memorable without them. Here's a kudos to them because I am such a boring and simple person but they never gave up on me and always supported me. *cries*  And of course, to the professors -- those strict or easy-go-lucky ones. And the *sobs* government for providing the cheapest of education for those who aren't that well-off in life. And to all who have been part of this journey, given the rarest chance to see this, thank you to you too.

But of course, happiness is just temporary as this graduation only meant bigger and heavier responsibilities. And as they always say, it's never the end, but the beginning. So wish me luck and motivation. Toodles! :3